Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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