You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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