he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
