you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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