I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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