Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
