you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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