somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
