Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
