I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
only you would photoshop your dick
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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