You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
