In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
