So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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