i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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