Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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