What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
