God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
