I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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