And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
