Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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