Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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