chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
