Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
