You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
