WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
