My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
wow bdsm is so cute
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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