12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
