Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
