dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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