While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
