All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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