tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
