I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
