Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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