The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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