Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
