Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
