if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
