In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
