I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
