I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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