im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
time to smoke my breakfast
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
