He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
being pregnant is like rehab
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
