it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
