im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize