I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
