i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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