It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
