id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
