before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
