wrigley field is MILF paradise
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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