Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
