She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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