if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
