I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
