i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just pee around me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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