loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
