Already got asked if we're dating
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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