Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
