So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
