Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
