he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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